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Category Archives: Sh*t My Husband Says

Sh*t My Husband Says | Dinner “Break”

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Are you ready for another edition of the ever popular “Sh*t My Husband Says”? Today was the first day in a while I cooked. I’m feeling better and actually got in the kitchen to make a chicken baked spaghetti dish. I measure out the servings and put individual servings in ramekins to bake. First for calorie and portion control instead of a casserole dish and two for presentation, even though we always end up dumping them onto plates! I digress. The way it worked was I had two Rachel Ray individual bubble and brown dishes which were one serving each and then four ramekins from World Market (each one being a half serving).

We started with the full serving and then before we had a second helping we sat and took a breath. When it comes to counting my calories I am still not the best and knew to get all of mine in today I had to have two servings at dinner. We talked, had the first half of our second helping and I said “Why don’t we take a break, and maybe in another half hour or so eat the other dish?”

Hubs disappeared into the living room and instantly had the remote in his hand. The tv was on Music Choice so we were listening to music while we ate and he was flipping through the guide. I find this to be the rudest thing ever. I figured we could chat and what not while we digested a bit. “I thought we were taking a break!” Hubs says as I call him back to the dining room.

Oh, friends. I explained to him how the television was not my idea of quality time right now and he proceeded to say the funniest thing ever:

“Now that the rules have been made clear to me, I shall abide by them.”

Priceless, Hubs! PRICELESS!

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Sh*t My Husband Says | On A Boat Edition

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My husband is slowly learning he is no longer on a ship. It’s shore commands for him, for the rest of his career. I like it: no more duty, no more jet fuel smell in the car and on his uniforms, no more long and unpredictable hours.

He doesn’t like it so much. There is less structure when you are dealing with both Naval and civilian personnel. There is less cussing. There is less getting shit done right, the first time. He is making his way as department head and learning who his “shipmates” are. Oh, what’s that? Yes, my husband refers to all in the Navy as his “shipmates”. If someone mumbles he says “what’s that, Shipmate?” If someone needs a haircut he’ll say something like “looking like a hippie there, Shipmate!”

Well, he’s making friends and already helping out by giving people call signs. Yep- call signs. One of the guys at the hospital is being promoted today. Hubs got to work to discover an “urgent” e-mail. The poor guy is getting ready for the ceremony [which will be sometime around lunch, I think] and realized he bought female shoulder boards. Yeah, great job, Shipmate. It’s 6:30 when I get the call to remove Hubs’ shoulder boards from his whites and stand by at the front door. Yep, Hubs says stuff like “stand by” too.

He informs me maybe the guys call sign should be “Boards”. I tell him it should be “Lady Boards”. Hubs says people might find it offensive, but it’s true and funny.

Does your husband have strange military terms he uses on a regular, at home basis? Is it still the deployment talking? I’ll be “standing by” for your stories of camaraderie in the land of military wives!

Sh*t My Husband Says | Web Journalism Duo

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Last night hubs and I were making a Costco run. Since we were going up to Temecula we figured we would stop and grab something to eat. We’re still checking out the area and visiting new restaurants. This led to not knowing where to go as we threw out ideas to each other of places near Costco. We decided on a cute little pub called The Tilted Kilt.

Well, it wouldn’t be an outing with my husband without some entertainment for you!

 

As we are turning into the mall area to make our way to the restaurant hubs says: “We can do an investigative report on the place since we’re web journalists now.”

Yep… you read it right, but if gets better! I inquisitively respond with the simple: “Web journalists?”

His response: “Yeah, like Hilton Perez.”

“Baby, you mean Perez Hilton?” I ask.

“Oh, well whatever his name is,” he responds. He thinks for a quick minute and says “Do you think that’s a spoof on Paris Hilton?”

“Yes, hubby. Yes I do.”

Bless his poor little heart. I bet you didn’t know this little blog was the musings of an Investigative Web Journalist duo! Navy Man and Housewife by day – exposing the truth by night!

I lay there wide awake last night in bed jittery and asked if he wanted me to leave the room so he could fall asleep. He asked what I would do and I told him nothing- lay on the couch. He said “You could write the SMHS blog post!” I’m thinking I might need to start a separate blog for his budding “web journalist” ego and all of the Sh*t My Husband Says!

Sh*t My Husband Says | Work Ethic

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WOW- we’ve had quite a few SMHS’ lately. It feels good for me! I started it about a month and a half before deployment last year and had 5 before they left. It slowed down during deployment and it appears we are back in business with the ever amusing comments that come from the hubster’s mouth. Also: I needed a new picture since the old one had my old blog address on it! Introducing the new and improved:

This morning was his first day over at NHCP [Naval Hospital Camp Pendleton]. He was getting ready and talking about working hours. Not knowing how long he would be there today, he drove. He says to me:

“I hope I don’t have to stay all day! That would be some BS!”

No honey, that would be called “work”.

Leave has done him in! He is such a workaholic- I was floored by the notion of him coming home early! He left bright-eyed and bushy-tailed ready to meet the man he is taking over for and the folks in his new department. Hopefully he has a great day!

Sh*t My Husband Says | Driver’s Ed

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The last time my husband drove was allegedly November 2010 when he drove about a mile to get a card from Hallmark. I remember it more like December 2009! Before we left Norfolk, when we still had two cars!

I drive him to work. I drive us to meals and on dates. I just do. I can’t remember the last time I was in the passenger seat… before tonight.

Tomorrow hubs starts his new job and we’re kind of unsure on the hours. There is nothing worse than a Department Head sitting around waiting for his wife to pick him up! We decided he would drive tomorrow. So tonight when we were leaving dinner I asked if he wanted to practice driving. He told me he just drove the other day and would be fine. Correction: he moved the car from the curb to the garage. This in my book does not qualify as “driving”. We ate dinner maybe two miles from the house.

When we got in the car it was so awkward to buckle my seatbelt on the left side of my body, to reach a little further for the radio, to not have control over the vehicle! Hubs kind of accelerated quickly once we were on Main Street and my heart fluttered at the thought of me not being in control of the brakes. Then I noticed something I had forgotten all about: Hubs drives with two feet! His right is always on the gas pedal and his left is always on the brake pedal. He lifts on one and presses down on the next.

I mentioned that I forgot, asked if he just didn’t know how to drive with one foot and he says:

“Yeah, I tried it once, it’s not for me.”

I suddenly remember why I drive us everywhere.

Sh*t My Husband Says | Preggers Edition

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No, no, no: Don’t get you panties in a bunch- we ARE NOT pregnant. However, my husband thinks he is when it comes to meal time. We were going to KFC last night since I have been CRAVING their grilled chicken. Upset stomach that will result and all :/

We pulled into the drive of the KFC and I asked ” do you know what you want? If so, we’ll just drive through instead of going in.”

Hubs tells me no, he knows what he wants, let’s just drive through.

I knew what I wanted: a two piece meal with some mac and cheese. GRILLED, GRILLED, GRILLED.

I asked my husband if he thought we should just get two individual meals or if he wanted to order up a bucket. His response:

“A bucket, yo! I’m eating for three!”

I’m sorry, what?

He noticed my awkward look and said “Yeah, I’m eating for three: me, myself, and I!”

Never a dull moment with your old pal hubs!